Yesterday I shared a blog post regarding my journey from a complicated discipline system to throwing it all out and insetad running a classroom based on respect and communication. A comment poster by an educator whom I admire, Jeremy MacDonald (@MrMacnology) immediately sparked my interest ( take a moment to read the whole comment).
He writes,”My daughter has “cards” in her Kinder class. She is absolutely terrified of “pulling a card.” I’ve been to her class to visit her and she is a robot. She’s not my little girl….I know her teacher. How do you approach another teacher, who is in direct contact with your child each day, and tell her that her management is depriving my daughter of enjoying kindergarten; enjoying school?”
What an incredible discussion to start! Do we, as educators and parents, that perhaps are on a different teaching journey than some teachers, have a way of discussing this with our child’s teacher? Is there a gentle way that one can help “enlighten” others or must we grin and bear whatever happens in their classroom?
I know that my teaching methods have changed greatly because of interactions with other teachers, however, these have not been parents of mine, but rather colleagues. How would I feel if a parent came to me and told me how to teach or how I should change something? I know there has to be a way to initiate this type of conversation, but how?
So let us open up the discussion! Do you approach the teacher, do you anonymously send them education books, or do you just let it be hoping for a different approach the following year? Can you start the dialogue or is it not worth it?
Pernille Ripp 
In my mind I think, "She'll have a new (better?) teacher next year. It will be different." But then I think, will it be too late? Is one year, her first year, enough to ruin it for her?She's only 5. Kids are resilient, aren't they?
i think one year can be detrimental to a kid, perhaps not ruin them but it can certainly do a lot of damage. That is why this discussion is so important. I would have a hard time not saying anything, but then again, that is my personality.
Pernille,Parents are huge in the impact of the learning in either a positive or negative way with their kids. If parents are not only informed, but engaged in what is happening in the classroom, their child is more likely to do better if parents take part.I think that as someone who is in a dual role, you have a great wealth of information that you can share with another educator, especially one working with your own child. Teachers should be experts on teaching/learning, and parents should be the expert on their kid. We as educators need to bring this knowledge together if we truly want to improve the opportunities for our students.
Wow, that's a toughie…I would want to say something to the teacher, but honestly don't have a clue as to how to approach it. Maybe you could start by saying something about how differently your child behaves at school than at home? That might open up the topic of the card system.
I had students in my computer lab burst into tears one day when I asked them to change their color to red. I was speaking of changing their COLOR in Kid Pix but they were thinking COLOR CARDS in their classroom. We laughed about it — after I dried the tears….but it made me sad. So scared of a color change?? ridiculousI don't think you can wait for the next year…..every day is important and though kids are resilient, we have no right to ruin their days.It is an extremely touchy subject because you are dealing with "control" issues in the classroom….but the conversations have to be had.We do as educators need to sit down with other educators and talk and share and learn from each other. And as parents, we need to be the #1 positive advocate for our children.What if next year, it is worse?? Do you hope for year 3 to be better?? We cannot break kids in kindergarten…..we just can't.
I think it's a great idea to start the conversation be saying how your child acts so differently at home.The sad thing about those children that are afraid to turn their cards is that they are the ones that are always GOOD!I, for one, hate confrontations, so I would probably just grin and bear it, unless I felt it was uber important. In that case, I wouldn't really care what happened from it, but it's still unlikely that I would say anything. Maybe a letter to the teacher would seem less threatening than a conversation?By the way, I so love your blog. I am giving you a blog award! To accept it, just go to http://www.christiewrightwild.blogspot.com
To be honest, I usually shy away from any sort of confrontation, but can you really grin and bear it when you don't even recognise your child and his/her behaviour? How sad that a child can have their spontaneity and character subdued by fear of any sort of disciplinary procedure, especially ath kindergarten age!
Some really great comments here. Gerorge's resonates with me because I would want teacher parents of mine, or any parent, to help me become a better teacher. Yet at the same time I know how it can come across not so much as helpful but rather as demanding. I often wonder whether because we are teachers, we end up staying more quiet than non-teacher parents, simply because we don't want to impose or somehow judge?Either way, I believe passionately in all children's right to express themselves in a healthy manner and since they will be spending most of their day in school, I probably would have to say something. I do not want my child to view school as something stifling or scary because off a bad experience. We must protect our children in the end.
My feeling is that a parent's role is to advocate for their child. Teacher or not.My son is only 2 1/2 years old and I'm already concerned about dealing with these types of issues as I don't really dance around issues. If I disagree with how something is being done in my child's classroom, I'm going to say it. I will be respectful but will come to meetings armed with literary ammunition and research. I know that I have had many "interesting" conversations with parents and don't feel that there is anything wrong the questions that parents ask. I just keep saying in my head "they are doing the best they can" and "they are advocating for their child." Hopefully my child's teacher will feel the same.
Great topic! It is sad that we as teachers feel that we cannot approach another teacher (although I completely agree and understand the dilemma). It makes me even more sad that so many parents may not be aware of the problems (and aware that there is so much better) so more and more kids will be taught like robots. As a new father, I hope that I am not the father that complains all the time but one that challenges teachers to critically reflect on pedagogy. I think by grinning and bearing it, we are doing a disservice to our kids, others' kids, and the system as a whole … Although it certainly is easier to just remain silent. Also, I want to teach my kids to ask critical questions in a respectful way so modeling this is important (and making sure not to just stick up for my kids because they are my kids). I love Sir Ken Robinson's response to his child's teacher when th teacher said "your daughter seems bored on class" and he responded "well, maybe you are boring?".Now I am not sure that is respectful but I do think as teachers we ALWAYS need to stand up for kids, especially if they are our own.
Many teachers don't respect parents as experts on their kids, and it often seems as though many parents (and others in our communities) don't respect teachers as experts in instruction and learning. Just like in politics there is so much attacking and game playing. Educating children should not be a power struggle; it should be a team effort.Would it be hard to have a parent come to me and tell me I wasn't do what was best for their child? Absolutely – that would about tear me in two. But, I would sit and listen to them. I would talk about the situation and see if I can learn from them to make a better environment for all kids or if I could help the parents understand why I'm doing what I do in my classroom.
I teach Kindergarten to 8th grade Spanish so I get to know families and parents very well at my school. I LOVE it when a parent calls me or asks to meet with me to have a "down to earth" discussion (not a complaint, but an intelligent, comfortable non-threatening discussion) about something like this. Then as a teacher, I can make a small change with that child to begin to make him/her enjoy the experience more in my classroom. As teachers we all know it is so difficult to be aware of how EACH and EVERY child is perceiving what we do…call this teacher, ask to have a meeting and tell him/her that you are a teacher too and have had a similar situation in your teaching career. Empathize with the situation, show that you know how awkward this can be and the difficulty of it and let the teacher know in a non-threatening teacher to teacher manner how your child is feeling.