being a teacher, being me, end of year

This is the Time

This is the time where I don’t feel I am enough.  I am not fun enough.  I am not smart enough.  What we do is not making a difference, nor is it engaging.  Where the test scores come in (thanks STAR) and I disagree with the stupid computer that clearly has no idea just how much our students have grown.

This is the time where I look forward, hoping next year will be better, while still trying to squeeze out every last drop of this year.  Where I look around and realize that the students are counting down, the books are still missing, and the time for settling down stretches out before us.

I am not alone.  How many right now feel like they didn’t do enough?  They weren’t enough?  That they still have so much to do?

But this is the time where I see a kid buried in a book who asks for just one more page and please don’t make me stop.

Where a child shows me their to-be-read list and tells me that they cannot believe how big it is.

This is the time where a child gazes at the book shelves, pulling out bin after bin until another child hands them a book and tells them they must read it because it quite possibly is the best book ever.

Where a child who has fought all year actually does something the first time it is requested.

This is the time where a child tells me they are ready to share their truths with the classroom, that they want to make sure that others see them for they are and not just who they think they are.

This is the time where I forget just how much they have grown.  That they have learned.  That they have changed.  That they didn’t hate English, nor me.  That I cannot be everything for everyone, but that I don’t have to because I am not alone.  A team stands behind me.  A team that cares about all of the kids.  A team that sees all of the kids.

This is the time where I hold my breath as the end barrels toward us and I cannot believe that we made it another year.  That I hope that the fragile seeds of reading that have been planted will blossom over the summer and stay strong until September.

This is the time where I know that every day I tried and so did the students.  That what we had did matter.  That they have changed and so have I.

This is the time to be thankful.

If you like what you read here, consider reading my book Passionate Learners – How to Engage and Empower Your Students.  Also, if you are wondering where I will be in the coming year or would like to have me speak, please see this page.


4 thoughts on “This is the Time”

  1. Pernille, we are enough. The evidence is all around us. We need to shift our perspective from “not enough” to “enough.” It’s the evidence we see that fills us up as teachers.

  2. Pernille, this post as well as your STAR post were like looking into a window at the teachers in my school. I hated the looks on the faces of all people in our school as we finished Forward testing and poured over the results of the MAP testing to see if we met our SLO goal. I continually tried to shift the focus of the conversations not on the individual scores, but on the growth our kids had, on the love of reading they now have developed, about what we now know as educators that we didn’t, because we took the time to reflect. It is a very interesting time of year, but I hope that all educators know, we are good enough.

  3. I felt exactly like this today. With a month left of school, there is so much I didn’t get to. But I also feel incredibly proud and a little amazed at their growth. Thank you for expressing what was in my heart.

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