Category: Be the change

Sometimes I get sick of being the change, of leading the charge, of paving the way.  I get sick of all the bumps and bruises from trying something new, from being honest and sharing it with whomever will read.  I get sick of having to defend Twitter as something more than conceitedness or hobnobbing with people “that aren’t really my friends ”  I get tired of explaining again why I don’t take recess, why I have a hard time bribing kids, and why grades – whether A’s or 4’s – really don’t belong in education.

I get so tired that I make myself believe that perhaps if I shut my mouth the path would get easier.  That if I stopped blogging about it all perhaps no one would notice and I could just do my things, my way.  That perhaps if I just swallowed a big dose of reality and learned that what is happening now in education is what will be for years to come and I better just get used to it, then my life would be easier.

But then I am told to share my story.  A friendly stranger ask me why.  Schools ask me to help them out as they struggle with the same things I do and I regain my faith in the change and being the change.  I knew this path wouldn’t be easy.  I knew this path would sometimes double back, twist and turn on itself, and lose me.  Yet, I follow it because I see where the path leads; to change, the right kind.  The kind many are hoping will come.  I have to keep believing and I have to share my stories so that others will know it is ok to share theirs.

Clarification:  This post is more a comment on trying to change how education is done in general, rather than people around me.  I think it is tough for anyone out there trying to change the massive politically motivated education policy machine and that is what I was trying to address here.

image from icanread

So I have this kid that’s been blowing my mind.  You know that kid that everybody says has “it” whatever “it is?  Yeah, this kid has it.  If you come into my room he will probably give you a smile, sometimes he is unfocused, most of the time he is not.  This kid is the leader of my classroom, I don’t know if it is because of his size, don’t know if is just his personality, but the kids they look up to him and he knows it and he leads them like a gentle giant.

This kid works so hard to get where he needs to get in reading.  He works so hard in math trying to figure out all of the crazy stuff we throw at him.  He puts in extra time after school to get better at reading, and it shows, his scores are inching up, catching up to the others.

This kid wants to be a football player when he grows up and for the first time ever I think it might actually happen; he is that kind of kid.  He has the size for sure, he has the skills, and for now, he has the dedication it takes to maybe reach that dream.  If life doesn’t get in the way…

So this kid that’s been blowing my mind, this kid that has so many dreams, I want him to keep going for it.  I want him to stay focused, to keep working hard, to not give up even if the math is really hard at times and reading and writing is tough too.   I want him to keep believing in himself and that his dreams are attainable too.

So I wonder if someone can help me with this kid and his big dreams?  Does anyone know someone that plays football for a college team or another higher level that will write him a note?  This kid bleeds Bucky Badger red but I am not sure it even has to be from someone on the Badger team.  Can someone help me get a note to him telling him how school is important and to not give up on his dreams even when life gets in the way?  To keep working as hard as he has and surprising everyone along the way, to know that he has worth and that school will only help him get to where he wants to go?

Thank you for helping me help this kid and his big dreams.

“I don’t want to!”  The child’s face is inches from my face and the anger emanates out of their whole being.  I say nothing but stand my ground.  The child steps back, kicks the trash can and leans sullenly toward the wall.  I have been screamed at for over 5 minutes by this child.  Witness to a child so angry that any direction is interpreted as a reason to fight, any instruction is a chance of failure.

The old Pernille would have marched them down to the office, left them there to simmer in their anger, left them there to let someone else deal with it.

The old Pernille would have asserted herself, reminded that angry child that I decide and they are going to do exactly as they are told…now.

The old Pernille would have raised her voice, pointed her finger, and perhaps even gotten a little red in the face.

But not this time, not this Pernille.

Instead, I remind myself to stay calm, that this is not personal.  That this child that so wants me to become a dragon does not need another teacher yelling at them.  That this child that stands before me has had nothing but adults telling them exactly what to do and repeating it over and over.

So this child needs a new start, someone that gets it, someone that sets boundaries but does not hold a grudge.  This child needs an adult that sees more than the anger, more than the noncompliance, hears more than the angry words.

So I try to be that teacher.  I try to shrug it off, to smile and crack jokes to alleviate the tension.  I try to help before it gets to this.  I try to get the child to trust me.  To have them feel that I am worthy of them letting down their guard.  Even though sometimes I want to scream and point my finger.  Even though that sending them to the office would be so much easier.  Even though I am not sure this will ever end.  But I still have to try.

image from icanread

The hunched shoulders, the heavy feet, weary smiles, and that aura of never getting it done.  The rushed conversations, the walk straight to your room and back, the eating in your classroom just so you can get it done, except done never seems to come. Whether you are haunted by the common core, the state report card, your upcoming evaluation, or even just the every day;  “Unslumping yourself is not easily done.”Thank you, Dr. Seuss.

So what do you do when you are stuck in more than a rut, when the school year seems to be crushing you and your desire to teach.  When the outsides figure in as much as the insides and teaching just isn’t what it used to be.  How about you

• Find the right people and get it off your chest.  A conversation about what is happening can sometimes push you in the right direction.
• Surround yourself with positive people.  I don’t mean unrealistic people, but ones who want to discuss solutions rather than just settle with the problems.  Ones that will listen when you need it and offer advice when they can.
• Step away.  Don’t come in on the weekend, sometimes a break is needed more than that extra prep.
• Realize you are good enough.  Teaching is never done and there is always something more to do but sometimes what we do has to be good enough.  We cannot sacrifice every moment of our lives just to teach.  Sure, we are shaping lives but don’t forget about the shape of your own.
• Get connected.  My network of educators have unslumped me more times than I can count, whether it be my incredible colleague down the hall or people whom I have only met on Twitter.  Reach out, listen up, and try some new things.
• Re-evaluate your style.  Sometimes it is our own expectations and way we teach that add so much extra to our days.  Once I re-evaluated worksheets my load got a lot lighter.  Ask yourself what is needed at the core of your teaching and then follow that.
• Partner up.  Why is our reaction to stress and munting pressure to withdraw, it should be the exact opposite.  Partner up as a grade level and use each other’s lesson plans and materials.  Trust your team to make quality lessons.
• Forgive yourself.  Sometimes we are our worst enemies and we constantly pick out our own flaws in our teaching, we constantly see only the child that did not get it.  Forgive yourself for the things that you cannot change, forgive yourself for having an outside life.  Forgive yourself for not being able to reach everyone at all times, even though you will keep on trying.