Be the change, reflection, students, testing

Testing Makes Me Feel Like a Bad Teacher

Pernille Ripp
image from icanread

I know I should not care, I should go on my day like it is nothing, but the truth is; standardized testing makes me feel like a bad teacher.  It shouldn’t be a big deal but anyone who has had their students sit through a MAP test will tell you; printing out that report and seeing whether the students met their projected growth score is downright anxiety producing.

Once the test is over then we stand with the repercussions; scores that were not met because the kid was having a bad day, scores that were not met because they rushed, scores that were not met because they didn’t get that one question.  And yes, scores that were not met because I didn’t do my job well enough.  The problem is; I don’t know which category a score fits into.  I can certainly take a guess but that is all it would be; a guess.  So I base my teacher performance on a score that supposedly tells me everything without really teling me much.

I take their scores and try to let them be a guide merely, forget that they will go on with the students to middle school, forget that these scores will determine where on the data wall they sit.  Forget that as much as we pretend they don’t matter, that these scores will usually mean more to their future education than any of my feedback or summative assessment ever will.  And it makes me feel like a bad teacher.
I cannot protect my students from what I fight against; the standardization of their intellect.  The standardization of their knowledge, their creativity  and their aptitude.  I cannot protect them from being labeled due to test scores.  I can only do so much within my classroom to shield them from the test obsessed education policy that seems to be driving us.  I can downplay the test but the educational system does not let me downplay the result anymore.  So I feel like a bad teacher.
I became a teacher to make a difference, not to feel bad about the tests I have to put my students through in order that someone will believe me when I say that they grew as a reader, that they grew in their math knowledge, that they grew in their intellect.  Apparently my word is not enough anymore, perhaps it never has been, now the data is what guides us.  And the data makes me feel like a bad teacher.
reflection, students

What These Kids Don’t Know

Pernille Ripp
He stands to the side of me, waiting his turn, I look up and there he is, “Do you remember me?”  “Of course!”  I say and I mean it because this kid, how could anyone ever forget this kid?  A quick hug and of he goes, he is a middle schooler now after all, and I stand there with a huge smile, happy to have been remembered.  Happy that he took the time to come back to his old teacher, even if just for a moment.  And in that short moment of time there is so much I wish I could say to this kid, and to the others before him; there is so much they don’t know.

What these kids don’t know is how we hope they will remember us with a smile but we never take it for granted.

What these kids don’t know is how we still have all of those notes and letters they wrote to us back then.  And the drawings, yup, we have those too.

What these kids don’t know is how one little hi can make me smile for days.

What these kids don’t know is that we still carry them in our hearts wherever we go.

What these kids don’t know is how I still worry and wonder how life is treating them and if they know how much they are worth.

What these kids don’t know is that they never stop being our kids.

What all my kids don’t know is that I do it for them, every single day, no matter how little sleep I got, no matter what standards are pressing on me.  Every day I come to school to teach for them, every day I cannot wait to get here to be with them.  That’s what these kids don’t know.

end of year, feedback, principals, reflection

Principals; Please Let Your Teachers Evaluate You

Pernille Ripp
I am here today to really ask one thing; principals, please let your teachers evaluate you.  And although it may not be my place and you may find it odd that I dare say it, I will tell you why I ask.

Please let us evaluate you so that we can tell you all of the great things you have done for our school.  So that we can tell you where we have grown as teachers and how you have helped foster that growth.

Please let us evaluate you so that we can tell you our vision for our learning environment and we can figure out how it fits into a whole school vision.

Please let us evaluate you so that we can tell you how the school’s climate is doing from an individual classroom standpoint.  We know you have the overall feel, but let us fill in the gaps.

Please let us evaluate you so that we can help you grow like you help us grow.  We are all human, we all have areas we need to focus on, yet sometimes our own judgment or priorities cloud what is most pressing.  Sometimes teachers or even students are the ones that can keep or put a whole school on track.

Please let us evaluate you so that we know that how we feel matters.  So that we know that much as we should be listening to our students and to you, you will also listen to us.

Don’t make it anonymous; people need to stand behind their words.  But please give us the chance to speak those words to you.

We know time is of the essence, and we all know how much there is still to do, but please let us evaluate you so that we can continue to grow together.

PS:  I let parents and students evaluate me every year, and every year, I grow from it, even if some evaluations are not as positive as I could hope.  We will not grow if we do not ask the people who we effect how we are doing.

Be the change, reflection, students

We Cannot Measure

Pernille Ripp
…This is my most precious moment…and he places a picture of a person who has passed away under the document camera and takes my breath away.  Tears and stammered out questions about the picture.  He asks if he may sit down…and the tears keep coming from me, from him, from everyone.

We cannot measure student trust on a test.

We cannot measure the community that allows a kid to share their most precious moment and then show the emotions that accompany it.

We cannot measure the bravery that comes from knowing how vulnerable that child made themselves.

We cannot measure the tears the other kids got when they saw how much this meant to him.

None of that gets measured on a test.

None of that will ever be a part of my educator effectiveness evaluation.

Not the tears.  Not the moments.  Not the trust or the care we have in each other.  Because no one would ever know how to measure it.  And so they don’t.

And yet, those moments, are the ones that make my classroom a community.  Those moments are the reasons the students thrive, grow, and love school.  Those are the very moments that should count the most.

Yet instead they focus on math, reading, bubbles filled in correctly and then pretend that it gives them a full picture of that child.  Pretends that they know the strengths and weakness of that kid.

We know it doesn’t.

When will the outside world learn?