Teacher. Author. Creator. Speaker. Mom.
It is not every day you have the honor of being quoted on the New York Times Parenting Blog, but today I did. The writer, Jess Lahey, had contacted me a few days ago to ask permission to link to a post but I had no idea how much they would use. What a great start to 2014.
Here is a link to the whole post.
Dear Thea,
I remember it well, your birth, your first child tends to leave such an impression. You showed up just on time, New Years Eve, and this night of celebraton took on new meaning as we held you in our arms. I cried. Daddy smiled. And we had no idea what we were doing.
Today you turn 5, my feisty little girl. In September you will start school full-time and I will no longer get to keep you at home when I feel like it. I will no longer get to take you places when I want to. Instead you will get to learn and grown every day and you are so excited for that. But before you leave me for school, there are things I wish for you that cannot be wrapped in a present and opened with your siblings standing watch. There are things that I hope you do that will make the biggest difference.
May you always stay feisty. Not so much that you hurt others with your attitude but that you believe in yourself and have a strong bone in your nose as we would say in Danish.
May you continue to want me to read just one more book, knowing that within the pages are stories that are waiting to be told, and stories that are waiting to be discussed.
May you continue to love with all of your heart. To want to be with others even if they are strangers at first.
May you still want to learn and love school as much as you do now. To continue to think that you can learn, that you are smart, and that what you do matters.
May family still matter to you. May you still smile even when the twins take your things, or when Augustine gets big enough to come home and steals our attention. May you continue to know that you are our first and that the years we spent with you have been the happiest of our lives.
May you always stay true to your nature, that kind, strong-willed, stubborn little girl will hopefully grow into a kind, strong-willed, stubborn woman who will find someone who loves her as much as daddy and I do.
May you always fight for what is right, what is fair, and keep caring about how others feel. You are the first to notice when someone is sad, you are the first to notice if someone is left out, don’t lose that, noticing others is one of the biggest gifts we can give as human beings.
May you continue to believe that you can be a Power Ranger when you grow up. That girls can do whatever they want and that you can battle anything that comes your way.
I may have many wishes on this 5th birthday of yours, but my biggest one is this: May you always know that we would not change the way our lives are, that you made it better, that you made it matter. You matter.
Love,
Mama
I remember thinking Facebook was lame as I resisted joining in the spring of 2006. Then I joined, urgen on by a college friend, and I continued to think it was lame until I realized that here was something that I could finally use to keep in touch with friends and family that lived far away. This tool would get me more connected rather than having to wait for letters or emails to show up on a whim. This tool would make sure my friendships stayed strong, my connections meaningful, and my life full of love. Yet 7 years into my relationship with Facebook I know see how wrong I was.
This post is not to vilify Facebook or social media. After all, Twitter, Facebook and other tools have brought so much to my life: new friends, a book deal, babysitters, pictures of moments I wouldn’t get to see. And yet, Facebook does not make me feel more connected. Not in a deep way. Instead I stand like a lurker peeking in at people’s lives. Seeing moments that sure I might not see otherwise but that I have little context of, little story behind, so all they are are moments.
I miss the deep connections. The letters I used to receive from my friends. The phone calls to set times up or just catch up. The ability to tell a story that they have not seen pictures of or heard of before. When we say we have the world at our fingertips, it is true, but it seems to be a shallow one, one that consists mostly of hitting “like” and feeling like you took an interest. You really extend yourself if you leave a comment and you feel like you did yours to keep friendships going. Sure Facebook has brought much to my life, but it has also taken away.
So rather than complain and blame Facebook, because it is not the tools fault I misuse it, in 2014 I want to reach out more. I want to write more letters, call more people, and see more moments in real life rather than through shared snapshots. I want to invite more people into our crazy lives and post less about it. I want to further the connections that I have in my life and deepen them into what they used to be. Less like, more action.
Facebook was meant to connect us all, and it has done so for many. But in the urgency to connect we seem to have lost the slow pace that is required to nurture friendships and create bonds between us all. Facebook may have made the world smaller, but it has also shrunk our own lives into a circle that people stand outside of, casually interacting but never staying for long. I am ready to break down the walls and bring people in.
I have been thinking a lot about back to school. This break for me will have lasted over 3 weeks by the time I get back and so I wonder what I am stepping back into. As anyone who has ever had a longish break knows, often the kids are hard to get motivated again. I blogged about what I would do as a teacher, but now is the time to go into parent mode and think of what I can do as a parent to get Thea excited about school. After all, January doesn’t seem to instill much excitement in many people, students included, so I am here to help change that. A few ideas to get your child excited about back to school, please add your own in the comments.
The end of the year means a quiet time for me. This year more than ever. And yet in the quiet I find solace because I realize just how much I have learned from those that surround me. Many of these lessons really came through in the last week where the unexpected 10 week early arrival of our daughter reminded me of just how much I don’t know.
I learned this week, once again, that we cannot control everything. That even when we think we know what the plan will be, whenever it involves children, they ultimately steer the plan. So while I think I may know exactly how to get somewhere, my students often have a better idea, it is important to slow down enough to listen to them.
I learned this week, that what you read matters. I can see when I love a book because all I want to do is sneak moments to read it. When a book is not for me, reading becomes a chore even when on bed-rest. When we tell a child what to read, even with our best intentions, we may change reading into a chore and nobody likes that.
I learned this week that goodbye matters. When I left to go into the hospital again, after I had told my students I would be back the following day, many of them understood but could not get over that I had not said goodbye. Everything had happened so abruptly that although they understood they still wanted to make sure I was ok and without a quick goodbye how could they know that.
I learned this week that receiving help does not mean you are greedy. Many people asked how they could help and whether they could bring a meal. While this goes against every Danish bone in my body (you just don’t get handouts!) my instinct told me to accept with gratitude. I cannot tell you how much easier our lives have been just because someone took care of dinner. How often do we say no in our classrooms because we don’t want to appear demanding? It is time for us to start to say yes instead, especially to the little things.
I learned that while we feel the need the need to be by the side of one child, our other children need us even more. Augustine really needs time to grow in the hospital, our other 3 need us to be parents full-time. The balance is so hard to achieve but we try every day. Just like our students need us to be there for them, there are days when one needs us more. It is our job to realize who has the biggest needs that day and juggle everything around it, while realizing that sometimes it is not the kid that seems the most dire that has the biggest need.
I learned this week to be present for every moment. When you get to hold a 3 lbs baby in your arms, and you can barely feel her, every grunt matters. Yesterday my husband held her for the first time and as she reached out her hand and placed in on his heart the whole world stopped. I wasn’t on my phone, we weren’t speaking, we were just there in that moment, part of it. How often are we present in our classrooms for those small moments of success?
I learned this week that it is not the fault of others if I am tired. Some times life gets in our way of our optimal health but that does not mean I have the right to snap. How many mornings do we drag ourselves to school because we stayed up too late and then get grumpy with our students. The choices we make affect everyone around us, so we must take responsibility for that.
I learned this week that every special moment does not have to be perfect to feel perfect. Christmas is tomorrow for this Dane and I am not sure everyone has a present, what the kids will wear, how we will get cookies for Santa, or even if everything is wrapped. But as my husband said, it doesn’t matter. What matters is that we celebrate the time we get to be together and that we focus on our family. Not the presents, not the wrapping, not the extra. Our classrooms don’t need to be perfect for children to grow in them, they need to be filled with love and a focus on each child. Everything else will fall into place.
I learned this week that how I face the world is in my control. Yes, life may have been turned upside down in the last 7 days but it is how I choose to deal with it that matters. While I may feel like crying a lot, no good will come of it beside a temporary relief. What I need right now is to stay positive more than ever before. This is not the end of the world even if it may seem like it, it is the beginning of a new journey that we are fortunate enough to be part of.
One thing I love about being hospitalized (the little baby is trying to make her appearance 10 weeks early) is that I get to speak to all of the incredible nurses that take care of me. Once they find out I am a teacher the conversations always get even better and today was no different. We discussed the topic of boys in the elementary classroom, and particularly how female teachers can create boy inviting classrooms. As this is something near and dear to me, I thought I would offer up a few ideas of how to get boys to feel welcome in our classrooms, or any kid really.
What other ideas can you add?
Pernille Ripp 