Category: being me

I am not wearing wool socks right now.

There are no lit candles in my classroom.

I am not smothered in blankets, nor playing a board game with a loved one.

I am not slowing down, nor contemplating life.  I have not cooked an elaborate breakfast before I started my day.

And yet, “jeg hygger” right now in my classroom.  The morning is quiet and dark, I am content, I have my tea and a new day awaits.

This past year, it has been interesting being a Dane outside of Denmark.  It seems as if everywhere I go, my entire culture has been distilled into one word, “Hygge.”  (Not pronounced hoo-ga by the way.)  Strangers have asked me for tips, my friends have shared their own experiences, and I have smiled, laughed and tried to explain that hygge and being “hyggelig” is not something you create meticulously.  That yes candles may be a part of it and so are warm blankets and fires and laughter and love and books, don’t forget about books.  But if you think that that is what hygge is, then you are sorely missing the point.

As the elements of hygge have been sold to the world, they have become just another form of cultural appropriation.  There are, indeed, practical explanations for most of them; we wear warm socks in winter because it is cold, drafty, and sometimes dreary during our dark winters.  Candles are for reminding us of the sun which we don’t see for long stretches of time during those same months.  Books are because Denmark believes in an educated populace and so we have amazing libraries all around our country.  Growing up we played board games because we didn’t have devices and we had very few channels on TV.  Cooking together was much more economical and practical than eating out.

So what is hygge, in the eyes of this Dane?  It is hard to say, although I have been asked to explain before.  Hygge just is.  But perhaps part of what it is can be said like this; it is a state of contentment.  Of being at peace with yourself and others, even if just for small chunks of time.  Of being in the now, whatever the now is.  Of comfort when the elements seem rough, but also about not taking yourself too seriously.  About gentle when you need to be. About love.  About togetherness even if you are alone.

So before you try to create an atmosphere of hygge, before you make your life overly complicated searching for an elusive state of something; don’t be fooled. Look around, check yourself; are you content?  Are you happy?  If yes, then you may already have mastered the art of “hygge” and you didn’t even need to wear warm socks.

I turned 37 today.

Every year I receive an email from myself on my birthday, a letter from the previous birthday reminding me of what is important.  Asking myself the questions we tend to ponder when our birthday rolls around and our own mortality becomes more apparent.

This year I noticed the pattern; are you slowing down?  Are you relaxing?  Are you eating better?  Are you exercising more?  Like the ghosts of long lost new years resolutions, my birthday letters have become reminders of what I should be doing but don’t.

As I see my children grow older, I feel my own years adding up.  I don’t feel old, but I know in the eyes of my kids, I have never been young.  I have never been a teenager, nor an early twenty-something who had no idea what her future would hold.  Instead,  I have always been Mom, someone who seems to have many things to do and who sometimes raises her voice or is tired. Who sometimes misses that amazing dance move or that quiet moment playing.  Who sometimes tries to be everywhere at once and thus ends up being nowhere.  Who never misses the big moments, but is sometimes absent from the small.  Who carries more guilt about how she uses her time than should be allowed for anyone.

And so as I drove home this evening after a day of celebration, it struck me that perhaps I am going about this whole life thing a little bit wrong.  That perhaps it is not about changing habits, although, I should do all of those things, that perhaps it is, instead, about changing my attitude.

Perhaps the change I need to make this year is not to do less work, but instead to enjoy the things that I do more.

Perhaps it is not to slow down, after all, when does that really work for most people, but instead to live in the moment of what I am doing and find pleasure in that.  Because is it not in the mundane details that our lives are lived?

To stop feeling so guilty and instead embrace the things I am doing rather than pining away for the ones I am not.

So for the year ahead, I will enjoy more.  I will not try to fight the battle against time or carry the guilt of all of the habits I cannot seem to change.  I will find the pleasure in what life has to offer, even the details we seem to never notice and be at peace with that.  Be at peace with myself.  That is the gift I can give myself right now.  And for right now; that will be enough.

When I moved to 7th grade English, I didn’t know how much this change would affect me.  How I would spend more hours than I had ever spent trying to help all of my students like reading more.  How their reading truths would shape me as a teacher.  How there would be lost sleep, but also triumphant moments of knowing that what we did together made a difference to a kid.  That what we did together meant that a child might actually keep reading or even start back up.

I have shared our experiences here.  I have spoken about it wherever I have been invited.  I have taken the words of my students and held them up for others to learn from because they have taught me so much.  Through their insight, I was able to become a better teacher, even if I still don’t have all of the answers.

And so I wrote a book.  A book to hold all of their ideas.  A book to hold all of mine.  A book to take the ideas of others that have pioneered better reading instruction and meshed it with what we are asked to do within our English instruction, within our 45 minutes, within the confinement and the pressure we feel.  And I asked a woman I admire so much if she would read it and possibly write the foreword.  I couldn’t believe it when Donalyn Miller said yes.  After all, her groundbreaking book The Book Whisperer is one of the books that gave me the courage to change in the first place.

I have poured every ounce of truth that my students gave me into this book and this book is now ready for the world.  Or, almost ready.  With a release month of July or August – the book is written and now I am ready to reveal its cover.  So world; meet the book that I hope helps others.  Meet the book that I hope will be inspirational for those who need it.  Meet the wisdom of the kids from room 235D and may their words be a light for you as they were for me.  To pre-order your copy, go here.