aha moment, being a teacher, being me

Know Your Place

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When I was a second year teacher I was told to know my place.  To remember that although I might have a voice, I should be more careful.  That I should not ask so many questions, nor share quite so many ideas.  That some things would be better left unsaid because I had not earned the right to say them.  And not just told it either.  No, for extra emphasis it was written as part of my official evaluation that year.  In my permanent record lest I ever forget that I had a place to be in.  That the place I needed to be in was one of new teacher that followed most of the rules and certainly did not question so much.

I remember I went back to my classroom shell-shocked.  When I closed the door, I cried. Maybe this teaching thing was not for me after all.  Maybe asking questions was wrong.  It certainly seemed that way.

So I took the lesson to heart; I shut my door, metaphorically and literally.  I had to.  I could not face what some others saw me as; a know-it-all new teacher that thought she had such great ideas.  I skittered through the rest of the year watching every single word I spoke, always telling myself to just stay quiet, think it but not say it.  To hide the new.  To not share.  After all, I needed to stay in my place, whatever that place might be.

By the end of the year I wanted to quit.  It turns out that eating your own words leaves you hollow after awhile.  But I didn’t, instead I changed, and as they say; the rest is history.

So for the past 6 years I have carried those words with me.  I have known my place every single step of the way.  Never forgetting that I do have a place in this world, in education.  Never forgetting that, really, we all have a place if we only knew where.

So what I know now is that my place is with my students asking them what I can change. To realize that I am not a perfect teacher, nor do I have all of the answers, but that I will spend every ounce of energy I have to try to make it better for them.

That my place is among colleagues who push my thinking and always have what’s best for kids in mind.  That while we may not always agree, we always respect, we always have each other’s back even when we have to have tough conversations.

That my place is on this blog sharing how I screw up so that others may learn from it without having to experience it.

Among the teachers that feel alone, much like I did so many days as I tried to change myself.

Among the people who question and show up every day trying make themselves better because they know they have a long way to go.

Among those that still doubt but try any way.

Among those that dare to dream.

Among those that still cry when it hurts.

Among those that know that even a small change makes a difference.

Those that change.

Those that question.

Those that fight.

6 years ago I was told to know my place and so I went looking for it.    It was not pretty.  I was not perfect.  I was not always right.  I did not always know what I needed to know.  Yet within that quest, I found myself.  So I ask today; do you know your place?  Because if not, you should probably search for it some day.

If you like what you read here, consider reading my book Passionate Learners – How to Engage and Empower Your Students.  Also, if you are wondering where I will be in the coming year or would like to have me speak, please see this page.

 

 

aha moment, being a teacher, being me, books, Literacy, Reading

When Reading Becomes a To-Do

I have been in the longest reading slump of my adult life this winter.  Books have been picked up and tossed aside.  My iPad and I have entered a new relationship level as I have committed to beat all levels of Candy Crush Jelly Saga.  I spent an entire plane ride to California thinking about how I should read and then not actually doing any reading.  Both ways.  And I have abandoned book upon book, only to feverishly cram the shortest book down in a half an hour so that I could my students that I was still reading.

What caused this reading disenchantment?  Pressure.  Pressure to find the perfect book for the Global Read Aloud.  Pressure to find an engaging story to beat the last engaging story I finished.  Pressure to read more than I read the week before.  Pressure to meet my goal.  Pressure to like a book that everyone else liked.  And yes, even pressure to read some of the mountain of books that sits next to my bed waiting to spill out of the bookshelves at the slightest movement.  Good thing, earthquakes are rare in Wisconsin.

On Monday, I realized that I loathed reading.  That I would have no problem not really reading for the next year or so.  That reading and I could certainly break up and I could fake it for a while, after all I did not really have to read all those books, I could just read their reviews and pass them off to students.  Yet, in that stark realization I found my key to salvation; reading had become a chore rather than something I do for pleasure.  Reading had been added to my to-do list right beside folding the laundry and answering email.  So I knew it it was time to reclaim my reading life.  To not let this one completely self-indulgent pleasure fade out of my life.  And since last night, I have gratefully sunk into the pages of a self-selected perfect for me book and rekindled  my love slowly, page by page, minute by minute.  There is still hope for me, I am not a lost cause, because deep down, I love reading.

Yet, I wonder about our students who loathe reading.

Whose fragile relationship with reading is one marred by well-meaning intentions from their teachers that tried to change their mind.  Who will gladly accept whatever book you hand them because then at least you will stop bugging them.  Who stare at a book not as a welcome friend but as a chore, a to-do, rather than a to-love.  Who are told what to read because they do not know how to find a book by themselves.  Who are limited in their choice because they certainly cannot read that book, whatever that book may be.

I worry about the kids who do not know that reading can be something incredible and therefore go through life eagerly awaiting the day that no adult will tell them to read.  Who cannot wait to fake read their way through the next book they are forced to read.  What a skill they can perfect right under our noses.

What will ever snap them out of their loathing when the things we do to help only cause them to hate it more?  When we tell them to stick with a book rather than abandon it, when we tell them to always write about their reading or log their minutes and don’t forget the parent signature.  When we tell them to find books at their level even if their heart calls out for another.  What will break them out of their pattern of reading not for enjoyment, not for fun, not for exploration, or self-preservation, but instead for the-teacher-said-I-had-to.  Will they know that reading is meant to be an act of love?  Of dreaming?  Or will they simply count the days when reading disappears from their to-do list never to return.

I fell in love with reading because I was given the space to grow as one.  I was given the trust to pick my books and to abandon them as well.  To not produce after I read but instead be given more time to read.  I fell in love with reading not because a teacher told me I had to but because my heart longed for the pages of a book.  Can our students hear their hearts in our classrooms or does our teaching get in the way?  I think it is time we stopped and listened.

If you like what you read here, consider reading my book Passionate Learners – How to Engage and Empower Your Students.  Also, if you are wondering where I will be in the coming year or would like to have me speak, please see this page.

being a student, being a teacher, being me, punishment

When We Don’t Just Punish

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He stares at me in silence, eyes cutting through me like knives.  He turns his back, message sent loud and clear; conversation over, nothing resolved.    And I feel my heart beat faster, my judgment gets cloudy and part of me wants to punish.  Wants to give a consequence.  How dare you turn your back, how dare you refuse, how dare you not do as you are told.

I could send him out, I could call the principal.  I could take away, I could call home. I could punish, many probably would, yet I know that it wont solve, it wont make it better. I need a solution and that wont come from a phone call, a detention, public shaming through a behavior chart, or a lost privilege.  In fact, it won’t come from corporal punishment either although some states still seem to think so.  The answer doesn’t lie within the punishment. It hardly ever does.

So when we don’t punish a child, when we don’t force them into behaving, then what?  When we lose the easy way out, and trust me punishing a child is always the easy way out, then what do we do?  We worry, we reflect, we reach out to to others, and we don’t give up.  We search for answers that may not be easily found and we realize just how inherently human we are.  That it is hard to work with students who seem to take pleasure in finding every one of our buttons and then pushing them over and over.  Just waiting for our reaction, waiting for when we will give up and finally dole out a punishment.  That sometimes, even when you have been teaching for a while, you do not have all of the fixes and that when you are working with human beings there are no easy answers.

His back glares at me, seemingly waiting for my response, and so I clear my throat, clench my fist and say, “I am here if you need me” and I walk away.

That day I didn’t solve the problem.   Complicated situations always take more time.  In fact, I wonder if I ever will, but I know that if I had punished, if I had gone down my list of what to do that someone taught me in college, that child would not have changed.  He would have dug his heels in and fought me harder.  Because sometimes the kids that push us away.  Sometimes the kids that fight us the hardest.  Sometimes the kids that seem like they hate us with every fiber of their being are the ones that need us the most.  Even if they find the hardest way to show it.

So I will continue to take deep breaths, knowing that tomorrow brings a new day.  To realize that perhaps this is personal because it really is, because in the defiance is a test of relationship; how far can I push before the love is gone.  How far can I go before this teacher finally snaps.

I am only human but within my own humanity I find my answer; don’t give up.  Keep trying.  Stay the course.  Don’t punish but continue to be there.  Continue to try.  Sometimes simply not giving up is the only answer we need.

If you like what you read here, consider reading my book Passionate Learners – How to Engage and Empower Your Students.  Also, if you are wondering where I will be in the coming year or would like to have me speak, please see this page.

 

administration, Be the change, being a teacher, being me

When A School Becomes Toxic – What Can We Do to Change School Culture?

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When you walk into a school you can usually feel the culture right away.  Is this a building where teachers love to teach?  Where students thrive?  Is there a feeling of family in the air or something else?  A building’s culture is often invisible and yet it can be one of the most important components of what makes a school great.  In fact, I fell in love with Oregon Middle School because of the feeling of family I encountered in my very first interview.

So what happens when a school’s environment turns toxic?  Where mistrust and anger become commonplace?  What do we do when we find ourselves in the type of school where all we want to do is shut the door and teach in peace, too tired to deal with everything else?  Well, there are a few things we can do.

We can make sure we are not the ones being toxic.  Yes, it is hard to let go of anger.  Yes, it is hard to not get upset.  And yet, we also make a choice every day of whether or not we want to add more negativity or not.  We make a choice, it is not made for us, and sometimes we have to make it again and again throughout the day as we try to stay positive.

We can build others up.  Why not point out the positive that you see.  Just as negativity is contagious, so is positivity.  You may be the only one noticing great things but give a compliment, leave a note, do something that shows you notice the great that is happening around you and speak up.

We can choose to trust a new person.  We often only extend the trust to those we know well and everybody else in a building we are not quite so sure of.  But how about we assume that there must be more people in the building that are there because they also love teaching and kids?   Purposefully extending your circle of trust means that your “inner” circle will grow, which means there are more people you can vouch for internally.  It may not seem important but it certainly is.

We can watch each other teach.  I know nothing about what goes on in other classrooms but instead of being ok with that, I have asked if I can come watch others teach.  I have also opened up my door to anyone that would like to come in.  Yes, it is hard to feel like you are being judged but we can also assume positive intent.

We can have courageous conversations.  If someone is seemingly negative at all times, ask them why.  Yes, this may be super uncomfortable for all of us but a simple question can go a long way.  Often we establish a pattern of unhealthy venting and don’t know it ourselves.  Someone calling us out, even gently, can be all we need to see our habit.

We can focus on what we can change.  There are many things in my state that upset me, there are even decisions in my district that I may not agree with, and yet, when I cannot change things I let them go.  Why anyone wants to carry anger with them every day they teach beats me.

We can make new friends.  Often we stick to the same people in our teaching circle at school, why not extend that circle right along with the trust?  Stop by someone’s room and ask them a question, seek out someone new to sit by at the staff meeting, volunteer for a new committee.  Something to meet new people.  A toxic environment often comes from not knowing each other, so break that barrier down one person at a time.

We can refuse to give power to the toxicity.  In our silent agreement, when we nod, when we spread the stories that tear others down we are complicit in spreading toxicity.  When we agree rather than ask questions, when we stand and listen, we are complicit in the spread of toxicity. So walk away, don’t agree, speak up.  If you do not want a toxic environment then do something about it.  Shutting your door is the easy way out.

Sometimes the toxicity comes straight from the top, so administrators, this is for you.

You can be the voice of reason.  Seek out both sides of the story before you judge, don’t have favorites, and leave your own emotions out of it.  Just like teachers at times will side with students that they like, so will administrators, and that sends a very strong message to everyone in a school.

You can check your own interactions.  If the interactions you are having with teachers are more negative than positive, think of how that affects the students.  While there are always tough conversations to be had, how they are approached can make or break a school culture.

You can be positive.  I work for one of the most positive administrators I have ever met.  Every day, no matter what, she has a positive attitude, even in the hardest situations.  This makes a difference and it sets the tone.  Our culture is one where people welcome and teachers feel valued.  If an administrator always looks mad, tired, or stressed it spreads to everyone else.

You can respect privacy.   As an administrator, you probably have way more information than any teachers and especially about other teachers.  That is part of your job, and so part of your job should also be to keep that private.  I have heard horror stories of administrators sharing private things that greatly influenced how others saw a teacher.  Be mindful of what you share and who you share it with.

You can initiate hard conversations.  I think too often administrators are not quite sure how to approach a toxic person or situation, and I get it, it can get really messy really quickly.  But at the end of the day, if we don’t talk about a problem it will never get away.  So we can allude, circle, and kind of talk about it, or we can face the problem head on and try to get somewhere with it.

You can ask for feedback.  My administration just held a two-day listening session where anyone was welcome to come and discuss whatever they wanted.  That sets the tone for the level of trust they place in us; they want to hear what we have to say even if they have no solution.  Simply opening up the door and asking for genuine feedback sends a powerful message about where you are in your administration journey; are you trying to grow or are you good with where you are.

A toxic culture can arise quickly but can take years to combat.  And while it would be nice to simply point the finger to one person and accuse them of being the main culprit, we all have a role in it.  From those that continue to spread negativity by venting their frustrations, to those of us that choose to shut our door and forget about the rest of the school; we are all complicit.  So take a long hard look at yourself, after all that is the only person we can control, and make sure that what you bring to your school is really what you meant to bring.  I know we all have bad days, but some times those bad days become bad years without us even realizing it.  A school’s culture is never too late to fix; but it does take a decision to do something about it.  And that decision can be made by us. Every single day.

 

If you like what you read here, consider reading my book Passionate Learners – How to Engage and Empower Your Students.  Also, if you are wondering where I will be in the coming year or would like to have me speak, please see this page.

 

Be the change, being a teacher, being me

How to Break Free of the Dreaded Teacher Slump

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It never seems to fail; February hits and gone are our dreams of changing the world, of reaching every student.  Instead it seems that in the long  days of winter in North America our moods mirror the darkness and negativity slowly creeps in.  The dreaded slump month is upon us.  But it does not have to be that way.  Much like having hope is a choice we can make, so is reveling in the negative.  Much like we can choose to believe in the possible, we can also choose to believe it will never make a difference, that this year is lost already.  Yet we have 4 more months of school to go.

Many of us are worn out at this time of year.  Minor ailments, lack of sleep, and the urgency of the year because how will we ever teach them everything seems to pull us down leaving us with little energy.  So before we give up or give in here are some ways we can boost our energy again.

Make a little extra time for you.  This is the time of year to grab a cup of tea with a friend and perhaps not talk about teaching, to watch a funny movie, or read an amazing book.  Color some pages or go for a walk.  When the weather is colder here in Wisconsin I tend to withdraw from the outside yet the sunshine that surrounds us on even the coldest days (right now it is 1 degree Fahrenheit) should be enough to boost our mood, but we have to notice the sunshine first and make a choice.

Look at how far they have come.  Yes, we may not have solved every single problem, we may not have reached every kid yet or helped them grow in the way we hoped, but the year is not over.  Rather than dwell on all the things students have yet to master or the ideas that have failed, purposefully look at how far they have come, how far you have come.  Even the hardest kid has probably made some progress.  Even the hardest situation has probably improved.  We just have been to busy to realize it.

Decide if you are a part of the problem.  We all have those days where we need to vent, I get it, but is your venting bringing someone else down?  Are you approaching the day like a great challenge or a hardship?  Your words and your actions directly influence others and sometimes we forget that.  So before you spill all of your frustrations think about how it feels for others to listen to it.  Are you looking for help or are you looking to get it off your chest?  Be mindful with your words.

Ally up.  Find someone who is also feeling the slump and build each other up.  Confront the fact that you are feeling worn out and then decide to try to cheer each other up.  Make it productive and find ways to boost each other’s energy throughout the day.  We laughingly spoke about doing P90X after school last night but now I am thinking that might actually be a really good idea.  Find your people and make a pact; no more down, only up.

Embrace this stretch of time.  I love this long stretch of time that we get with students between winter and spring break because we can really do some deeper learning and exploration with the students.  This uninterrupted stretch of time is not something to despise but something to embrace.  What can you invest your time in because you have the time?

Try something new.  Now is the time to dust off that crazy idea you learned about this August and try it with students.  If you are feeling worn down, think of how the students are feeling.

Smile.  It is so easy to get worn out but a lot harder if you smile.  I try to smile every single day because smiles are contagious.  Even if I don’t feel like it because even though I am sleep deprived thanks to my kids, even though I am sick thanks to this cold, even though I am feeling like not so great of a teacher, I still have the very best job in the world and that deserves a smile any day.

Clean the classroom.  Our classrooms seem to gather a lot of things throughout the months so now is a great time to change things up.  Wipe everything down, re-arrange, bring in a plant, change your book display, do something to make it feel welcoming and alive again.

Look for solutions rather than problems.  This is a mindset change and it can take a lot of effort to do it, but when problems are discussed try to bring up possible ideas rather than add more details about the problem.  The way we approach a situation is a decision not something that is forced upon us.

Read a great book.  I am currently reading Book Love by the incredible Penny Kittle and I cannot emphasize how much of a difference it is making for my mindset.  Penny’s enthusiasm for great literacy instruction mirrors my own but I needed to hear her words right now.  We just finished the first ever Passionate Learners book club and the community is still thriving, so read a book and join a book group to get support.  You are more than welcome to join ours.

We can give up and assume that this slump is inevitable or we can fight it with everything we got.  Becoming aware that we are part of the problem is the first step to fixing it.  I made my choice last night as I sat among colleagues laughing so hard I cried.  It doesn’t have to be this way.  It doesn’t have to be inevitable.

If you like what you read here, consider reading my book Passionate Learners – How to Engage and Empower Your Students.  Also, if you are wondering where I will be in the coming year or would like to have me speak, please see this page.

 

being a teacher, being me

I Carry the Words

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I carry the words of my students with me everywhere I go.

Their dreams.  Their hopes. Their wrapped up identities as they try to find their voice.

I carry the story of the boy who cried.  The girl who fought injustice and the students who knew no better way.

I carry the hopes of teachers who share.  Who reach out and ask for help.  Who know that there has to be a better way and lay awake searching for it every night.  Hoping to not feel so alone, hoping to not feel so crazy.  I carry their words into the light whenever I can because we have all felt crazy, we have all felt devalued, we have all felt like we cannot teach one more day and yet have gone on, knowing that our students would wait for us with their dreams held in their hands, hoping that today would be the day that makes a difference.

I carry the words of my daughter who wants to be an artist, a singer, an animal doctor, but most of all a teacher.  Who worries what others think and cares too much.  Who wakes up tired and yet gives it her best.  Who loves with all of her heart even when it hurts.

The words of the girl who had no food.  The boy who had no friends.  The child that wasn’t really a child taking care of their sibling late into the night.  Or the children who told me that school was not for them but for those others kids who had it all figured out.

I carry the words of the girl who knew she could do better.  Of the child who did not conform.  Of the student that made me cry and shake my head in frustration, knowing that I was not the best teacher I could be even though I wanted to.

I carry my own words, sometimes loudly, other times so quietly that I cannot hear them myself, so that others may see that they too can have a voice.  That our world is made better when we share, even our fears.  That we are not determined by our weaknesses but instead on our struggle to overcome them.

I did not set out to carry the words but they kept tumbling at me.  And so I walk on knowing that my path is perhaps not set, but the words that I carry will push me forward, always hoping for someone to listen.

I carry the words of my students so that their voices can be heard.  Of all of the kids who found their voice and now will never be silenced.  The words that mean that their dreams live on, hopefully pushing the minds of others.

I carry the words and so do you.  Let us never forget that.